"The Robe"

Sunday mornings while I get ready for 9 o'clock church I really enjoy listening to worship music on Pandora. My favorite station is LDS Hymns of Worship. They play a good variety of gospel hymns along other Sunday favorites. I think it helps set my mind on keeping the Sabbath Day holy and remembering my Savior through out the week.

As I was finishing up my makeup a song came on that really caught my attention. From the beginning I was intrigued. The music, instruments, lyrics, and beautiful angelic voice(s), made me stop what I was doing and listen. Really listen. I found myself in tears when the song was over. I usually don't cry when I listen to music, so I knew I was truly touched! The song is call 'The Robe' by Mercy River. The focus of the song is about a woman who is ill. She prays that she may be healed and made whole, but in turn tells God that if that's not what His plan is that she is fine with that too, but asks that God will wrap her in His Robe and hold her as she goes. Its a tastefully written song about such a tender moment in the lives of all Heavenly Fathers children.

The death of a loved one can be so incredibly harrowing. Heartbreaking. Grievous.

I determine I was so 'aw-struck' by this song because of its ability to make one look at death in a different light. It helped remind me that God has a plan, for me, for everyone. And yes, that plan will one day include leaving this mortal world and the people we love and returning to live with our Savior. I believe Gods plan with us doesn't stop after we leave this world.......He has far greater plans for us. He needs us to continue to do His work in the worlds above. For those who pass away, our Savior needs them. He has called them home to Heaven to continue a mission above. God understands the sorrows we go through when we don't have that physical being in our presence anymore. That is why He created the plan for all of us to come home and be together as eternal families. Life does not have to end here on earth. Wouldn't that make God merciless to not allow relationships to continue to grow and blossom after this life? For fathers and daughters, mothers and sons, grandparents and grandchildren, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc, to say a final goodbye after this life and not continue in the next life would be preposterous. God is anything but merciless.

"The Robe"

Mercy River 

Faithful woman

Reached through the crowd

And her hands, gently touched your robe

And you threw your grace and made her whole

Now my broken body

Is fading fast

And like her, Im searching through the crowds

Desperate to find you somehow

And Im reaching for that robe

I know you can make me whole

But if its not meant to be that way

If I can't stay

Then just wrap me in that robe and hold me when I go

If you call me

Home to you

Please help though's who love me understand

We are still held together by your hands

Im reaching for that robe

I know that you can make me whole

But maybe in a different way

If I can't stay

Then just wrap me in that robe and hold me when I go

Hold her when she goes (women)

Hold her when she goes (little child)

Click here to listen to "The Robe" on Grooveshark.

The 'Jerry Springer' Mom

The day is neigh.

*KINDERGARTEN* 

Most parents look forward to this day like a three year old on Christmas Eve. Not me. I have been dreading this day for the last five years. It has slowly crept up on me like the worst wedgie in the world. And yes, its been a pain in my butt. Literally. 

I've been talking to a lot of friends who have already gone through the 'detaching-myself-from-my-CHILDS-hip' first day of Kindergarten process. A few said they couldn't get their child in the doors fast enough. Some claimed they bawled and even went into a slight depression for a few weeks. Others said they were happy and sad (sounds bipolar to me.......not judging here). So here we have whats called: Individual Processing. Every parent goes through first day detachment (as we will call it) differently. Kind of like every mom goes through labor differently - one experience in never the same. 

But one thing was always the same, all of my friends claimed that no matter my experience with 'first day detachment' it would all be okay. Well, maybe okay except for the minor depressed moms, BUT their's medication for that.

Miss A's school does a Coffee & Kleenex get-together after parents drop off their children on the first day. I will, without a doubt, use all the Kleenex in the room. I'll be bawling like a baby. Snot rolling out my nose. Mascara running down my face making my contacts dry and my eyes blood shot. Popping a few Xanax's in between sniffles and nose blowing. I'll look like your typical Jerry Springer/Maury superstar. But, I'm okay with that. I'm not embarrassed or ashamed that I WILL be a MESS that day. Why wouldn't I be?? My partner in crime will be away for most of the day! Surrounded by people I don't know and she doesn't know. Being influence by those outside of her home (good and bad). Having to completely defend herself. 

I know, I know. You're probably sitting their thinking, "Wow. This lady is crazy. She needs to cut that umbilical cord, NOW."

Let me explain something......

Me and my hot-mess self have reasons behind my overreacting for FDD-day......

First: As for now, and as far as I know, Miss A is my one and only child. So I'm dealing with the eldest, middle, and youngest child all at ONCE. I don't get to say 'Oh I get to go through this again', 'Maybe I can do it this way next time', 'I'm so glad this isn't my only one!', etc, etc, etc. This is it peeps! My one and only shot (of course, as far as I know) at this and Im going to let myself get wasted.......on emotions. Im going to let the crazy come out. Their will be hysterical crying. Depression. Anxiety. Mt Dew. Many phone calls to my mom & sister. Many days I stay in my pjs until 2 pm. More Mt Dew. And then I'll get myself together all by 3:30 in the afternoon to go and pick my sweetheart up. And I'll do it over and over again until I can function like a normal human being outside of my house. 

Second: Its no lie. We live in a scary world. Kids and adults bringing guns and weapons to schools. Bullying. I'm sending my child out to the wolves and hoping my job as a parent will help her survive, seriously. I am aware I can NOT control the uncontrolled. Life will go on as its suppose to and how God has it planned. Doesn't mean it isn't scary. 

Third: Education is so important to me. Will Miss A be receiving the education she needs to learn in order to thrive in her life/career? Will she have teachers/leaders that bring good influential thoughts, behavior, logical thinking, into her life? Will she know the importance of learning and how it can benefit not only herself, but others? Can I play a big enough roll in her life to be that constant aid with education? 

Day by day. Month by Month. Grade by grade. Elementary. Middle School. High School.....and on. Miss A is an amazing little girl and will do wonders in this world through education, our Father in Heaven, faith, inspiration, motivation and family. I'm excited for her to take this next adventure and steps in her life. She will be amazing. Me and my disastrous emotions, now that will take time, but I'll be alright.

Now.......back to sorting out school clothes.......