As I lay in my bed this Friday night, and studying for my church lesson, I feel impressed to write this blog post. My lesson for Sunday is about sacred family relationships. Part of the lesson brings up the topic of women who are (for different reasons) unable to marry and/or bear children. I was impressed (but not surprised) by the kind and gentle words spoken to the women specifically by our leadership. After finishing my lesson I decided I want to look more into this topic of infertility and what our leadership has said about it. Needless to say the information and articles I found only heightened my faith in my Savior.
Before I became to believe what I do today, that the Savior is in control & I must fully trust in Him, life seemed bitter and very hard to not fake happiness. When friends or family (or even at times acquaintances or strangers) would say these few simple words 'just trust in the Lord', I felt myself cringe. I didn't want to hear it. I smiled, nodded in agreement, and left feeling more lost than before. I thought I did trust the Lord. I thought He knew I believed He knew what was best for me and my family. I thought I had faith in believing this. That was it. I thought. I didn't act upon my beliefs. These thoughts were always in the back of my mind, but never once had I truly made them apart of my undying and unconditional faith and love of my understandings. I was stubborn, and was fearful. What if I had put all my trust in the Lord and I didn't receive the answer I had wanted? I wasn't ready to find out if our outlook on life was completely different.
After much conversation with my Savior about what I can do to have a humbled heart and be able to bring these walls down that I had built up so high, I felt impressed to read my Patriarticle Blessing (to see what a Patriarticle Blessing is, click here). It had been a few years since I had picked it up, but I had never forgotten the section where it talks about motherhood. Im about to share something very personal and special to me. In my blessing it states that I will be 'granted one of the most sacred blessings Heavenly Father has for His daughters', that of motherhood. That I will 'stand as a matriarch over a special and wonderful posterity'.
Here's where it always humbles me, 'You will bring sweet spirits into your home'...'they will be precious spirits'. 'They', 'spirits'....it was plural.
I had received my Patriarticle Blessing when I was 14 years of age (if we're doing the math here that was 13 years ago). My Father in Heaven knew I would always need to read and re-read those words. To have reassurance. Faith. Wisdom. Belief. This doesn't mean that day to day life isn't difficult. It doesn't mean my heart never aches for another child or that I don't have bad days where my heart feels heavy and my soul is burdened. But it does remind me that if I continue to live a faithful life and always believe and have faith in my Savior, He will bless me. In His time.
I found a few articles on my churches website (www.lds.org) specifically about infertility. Like I said above, I found myself feeling even more grateful and more faithful than before. The articles were very up lifting. I even found myself taking needed deep breaths. If you have a few minutes please read the articles below. Yes, they are mostly based for people struggling with infertility, but their basis meaning in whole is how to deal with trials and how to stay faithful. Enjoy!
Carolynn R. Spencer: Learning to Cope with Infertility (June 2012 Ensign) - I LOVE this one. She gives many references to women in the scriptures who struggled with infertility. Most stories I had never heard (or remembered) about.
Melissa Merrill: Faith and Infertility (April 2011 Ensign) - Melissa relays stories of four different couples who had/have been struggling with infertility. They're all wonderful stories. There is also a link at the beginning of the article that leads to 15 other couples stories with infertility.
Sarah Jenkins: Trust, Patience, and Endurance: My Lessons from Infertility - I feel very attached to her article. I, too, have felt many of the same feelings and thoughts that she has.
And just for fun.......a picture of my lovely darling on Easter.
